Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder why I think so much.

Sometimes I wonder if I speak too much.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have crossed certain lines.

Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard to talk.

Sometimes I wonder why I have so much trouble showing weakness, even to those whom I trust and love dearly.

Sometimes I wonder if I am not being honest... to everyone and also myself.

Sometimes I wonder... what else do I actually wonder about.

Burned Alive

Zaza borrowed a book from library, called Burned Alive, written by an author that goes by the name Souad. I am not sure how true the story is, and whether the author is using her real name, yeah well, she did say that she has to remain anonymous for her own safety, but anyways, that's not the point here. I read that book, and now I'm deeply disturbed.

The story is about Souad who was from a village where women are literally treated worse than an animal. Like what Souad's father often told her, at least the goats and cows gave them milk and meat, but girls and women are no use. The only useful thing they can do is to bear sons for their husbands. That is how the men there treat women. They beat and abused the women just because they are men. Being born as a girl is a crime by itself, and it is normal for them to kill women and get away from it punishment-free.

Anyways, the story is about how Souad survived honour killing. In her village, it is not acceptable for a girl to have sex before marriage, and well, Souad did, and when she was found out, her family tried to burn her alive. How she survived, I don't know, but anyways, she did and now her story is all in the book I have just finished reading.

What disturbed me so much is that I have never realised that women can be treated so badly. And I thought gender discrimination is bad. This is like the worst kind of gender discrimination. Being a feminist, personally I don't even want to be stuck with doing housework chores and cooking. Not to mention being controlled by men. But for the women in Souad's village, it is a must to obey the men and be treated like an animal. It is so disgusting how they have this kind of mentality... how women are just being treated worse than animals and the women don't even have the knowledge or thought of ever retaliating. The thought of being equal to the men never even occurred to them.

Suddenly I'm thankful that I'm born in a place where women are not treated like shit. Even if a few men here and there still have the very traditional thinking that women should stay in the house and do housework while giving babies, I'm glad that at least I get the chance to study and voice out my thoughts. Best of all, I am brought up in an environment where I am not abused because I don't have XY chromosome, and I can developed my own person, and have my own thoughts.

Makes me wonder how much of the world that I have no clue about. Probably a lot more cruelty and harsh reality.

And you wonder why I hate reading newspaper.

....

My thoughts are in chaos.

I haven't been so disorganised in ages. I think my last sem's result, though not bad, but not good either, threw me off track. And I missed the first week of classes, so I'm pretty lost on what's to expect this sem, and little Miss Jojo doesn't like feeling lost and unsure.

Things happened, and I realised, many thanks to watching Discovery and Nat. Geo. and Animal Planet, that I MISS SCIENCE!!!!! Damn.... too many things that make me curious, and not enough time and energy to actually discover all of them.

Feel as though I'm about to self destruct or something. Hello, thoughts, please organise yourself again. And stop missing Science already!

The AT

So, I visited Esther's blog and found this personality test. And since I have nothing to do....

Yeah well, here's what the test said about me.

I'm the analytical thinker. Sounds impressive, I hope. Lol.

I guess... part of it is true, and another part, I'm still discovering.