A long conversation with my colleague made me realise that:

1. Having differences is not a bad thing. It makes you see things from different point of perspectives. So do hear the other person out.
2. Being idealistic is just being idealistic if you do not have the voice to make it heard. Speak up and make your voice be heard.
3. Self awareness is important. Without knowing yourself, you are a lost soul who confuses the people around you. Take some time to reflect upon what defines you as you.
4. Choose happiness. It's something that sounds so easy, but always trying to be optimistic and cheerful require a lot of practice. So do practice more, as it will come naturally once the practice makes it perfect. Let's not forget to forgive and not hold on to grudges.
5. Believe in love and faith. After all, there is a reason why all the religions preach that.

I am quite aware that sometimes easier said than done, but ah well... no harm in trying.

Sometimes I don't understand

Why people continue staying and working the job that they seem to hate even though there seems to be nothing that stop them from quitting.

And why some people stay in a relationship when it seems to bring them unhappiness.

I am quite ignorant, I know. Perhaps one day, I will understand that everything is not just purely black or white.

The meeting today made me realise that... your job might not be the dream job that you have always been hoping for, but good bosses make up for it.

For me, I will hang in there, put in extra effort and sacrifice my time if I know the boss that I am working for deserves my loyalty. And I am thankful that my bosses that I report to directly are exactly those kind of bosses that deserve my loyalty.

However, I cannot say the same for my bosses. It seems that the person who is one level above my bosses, the person that my bosses report to, is not that kind of boss that you will want to do everything for them.

So now I'm just praying and hoping that my nice bosses don't leave because of that. Because the way I see it, one of my bosses seem to be on the verge of the breaking point. :(

The thing with taking multiple shots pic is that... when you are busy shuffling around, trying to change your pose and position, sometimes it's just your luck that you end up with a super un-glam picture of you.

And that was what happened to me when three of my colleagues and I were at K-box, trying to take pics before we leave the place. So one of them came up with this brilliant suggestion of taking a multiple shots pic and TRYING to shuffle and change position AND pose despite only having like three seconds in between shots.

In between the shuffling, the camera managed to capture a super un-glam pic of me.

And of course, everyone likes to look pretty, and my first reaction to seeing that pic of me was to delete if off from my colleague's camera so that she won't have any blackmail material of me.

Then I realised, that it doesn't matter, because despite how unpretty I looked in the pic, it was clear to everyone who looked at the pic that I was having fun, and lotsa of it. So, who cares if I look horrible when I am having fun, right?

Ah well, that's probably my own consolation IF my colleague actually posts that pic of me in public. But ah well, I rather look horrible but having fun, rather than all pretty and posed, because that is just not who I am.

When I looked back at pictures of me back then, I realised I have changed quite a bit.

When I read the posts that I wrote back then, I realised that I have changed quite a bit.

When I did some soul-searching and compared it to back then, I realised that... I have changed quite a bit, but I am still quite the same.

And I am proud to announce that I still remain the same, because the me that remain the same are parts of me that I am proud to be, and the changes, well, they are quite welcomed.

Who knows I will turn out to like kids so much when back then I don't want to be even in the same room as them? Lol.

Last weekend was awesome. All the amazing people that I spent time with, not to mention the good food that I ate... totally worth the time spent travelling. Though... I kinda suspected my butt is a bit flatter due to the long bus journey. Lol.

Unfortunately for me, spending time with those lovely people just makes me miss them so much now. So I'm all alone in my room, emo-ing, and missing them while thinking if I made the right decision to move from the yam to the dot, leaving all the people that I now miss so desperately behind.

Not that I didn't get to meet lotsa other lovely people here, it's just that... I still miss the people back in the yam.

:(

Last Sunday was an awesome day. I shouldn't have, but I didn't regret any second of it. True, I was dead tired by the time I got home, but I wouldn't change anything.

Last weekend was graduation for the programme at preschool for the P1 and P2 kids. If I didn't mention it before, let me just say again, I love being at preschool. The kids are just darn adorable, and even if they are mischievous, their smiles and laughter just make your day better.

Anyways, I dropped by preschool on Sunday because it was my day-off and I knew they have graduation going on, so I had to go and see it for myself. When I got there, the head of the programme actually asked if I wanted to join the graduation and see it, and of course, I told her I love to.

The graduation was so much fun, but really, that wasn't really what I wanted to say. The kids are just amazing, in their own way. They are lively, they are vocal, they are innocent, they are naive, they are trusting. They are so accepting, that they just accepted me, a stranger, into their class on their graduation, without any suspicion.

Honestly, it never fails to amaze me how wonderful kids are. They forgive and forget so easily, and they are just so trusting and accepting that they will love you for you, just because you give them a hug and a smile.

Now, if only adults are as... untainted as kids. I'm sure the world will be a better place.

Dear retard,

I miss you, though I really wish I don't. It's been two weeks and more, and I still think about the what-could-have-been.

So many things that remind me of you, even though there really shouldn't have been so many. Little things remind me of something, and seriously, I really hate the feeling. So much that I wish that it had never happened before. Not to mention the promise that was never kept, it hurts to think about it. Didn't I tell you how seriously I take promises, and asked you not to make one just because? I shoulda known better than to trust mere words.

But it's a learning process. You made me realise who I am, and now I am even more sure of who I am and who I am not. I have never really been a lost soul who don't know herself, but thank you for reminding me of how strong I can be. I supposed everyone needs a bit of reminding once in a while.

Still, I know this is gonna sound conceited, but I really want to say this: not being able to love me for who I am, it's not my fault, it's your loss. Even though I might miss you and think about the what-could-have-been, I will never accept anything less than someone who can love me for who I am, not who he wants me to be. I might not be perfect, but I love myself just the way I am, and will never change it for anyone who doesn't love me enough to accept me the way I am. And of course, if you truely love me, you wouldn't have tried to change me either.

Anyhow, quoting Sara's song: "I'll be alright, just not tonight." I'll get over it, I'll be bouncing back to normalcy, I just wish it's sooner rather than later. Because honestly, I rather be doing something more productive than missing you.

A friend told me something that is so relevant to me. And because of that, I feel like crying.

She told me that she saw this quote that said "You can't change someone without destroying the old him or her".

And funny... that was what I have been trying to get him to understand, but it seems like he can't get it at all.

On the other hand, I saw something beautiful today. I was on my way back home, taking the lift up to my floor. This lil boy, probably around 7 years old, was in the lift with his mum. It turned out that the mum was waiting for the dad. So she asked me if it is okay to wait for a while, and since I am not in a hurry, I told her it's not a problem.

So the dad came in, and the doors closed. The lil boy took out the book that he just bought from his bag, and was looking at it fascinatedly. And the mum and dad looked at him so lovingly while their son was so absorbed in his book, before looking up at each other with a smile that says so much about the love they have for their son.

It occured to me that, I kinda forgot that parents will always love their kids. It's just that I seem to encounter so many kids in where I work, that seem to have been neglected by their parents because the parents are so busy working, that I forgot that not all parents neglect their kids because of work. And even if they do, they only do it out of the love for their kids because they want the family to be financially stable.

Ah well... I feel like I'm turning into an old doddering lady who yaps on and on about things that are quite sappy.

But it really made my day, to see the family like that in the lift.

Did I mention how grateful that I am blessed with all the wonderful people in my life?

Just last week, I made a mistake in my work. And being the worst-case-scenario kinda person, I was freaking out, and was ranting to a couple of my best friends.

Good thing is, they all know me, so they sorta managed to calm me down. But I still couldn't help being hard on myself, because I am a bit of a perfectionist, and I don't forgive myself easily when I make a mistake.

And then... I told my story of the mistake that I did to one of my colleagues, who I am quite close with, and she offered to help me rectify my mistake even though it won't benefit her at all.

Though the issue is solved now, I still feel very touched when I think about this colleague of mine. I know making mistakes is also a learning process, but whenever someone, my colleagues, step up to help me with what I did wrongly, I just can't help but feel so blessed that despite having a lousy superior, I still have all the wonderful colleagues in my workplace. And all the encouragement and support that I got from them whenever I feel down because of the said lousy superior, that really cheer me up.

Really, sometimes I wonder what I did in my past life that makes my karma so good this lifetime, that I am blessed with wonderful people who love and care for me. NOT that I am complaining, of course.

Sometimes, when things are bad, and you just feel like giving up or turn away from the light at the end of the tunnel, just close your eyes and remember all the wonderful people you have in your life. The smiles that you get, the love that are given to you so freely, and the hugs that warm the soul.

I am so grateful to have all the lovely people in my life.

Sometimes I wish I have the courage to fix things. But I supposed... in a way, we are almost similar. You don't give me the chance to talk, and I don't give you the chance to listen.

And sometimes, I just wish I don't feel so much.

The enlightenment

Suddenly, I feel a bit more enlightened. After two months of quite a variety of negative feelings, the enlightened me decided to focus on more positive things.

Cute things happened at my work place. I'm not kidding. Though the kids can be monkeys, they have their cute moments too. Just yesterday I saw a 5 (or possibly 6) years old boy walking down the corridor singing "I gotta feeling". How often do you get to see cute moments like that anyways?

And I received a very wise advice from a trainer who handles children from 7 to 10 years old.

"Be monkey-er than them. If you can't beat the monkeys, then be better than them!"